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Posts Tagged ‘Senate Health Care Bill’

One Thousand Five Hundred and Two Pages. The Senate Finance Committee’s Health Care Bill has finally been unveiled. [Ed – If you care to do something almost no Senator will do, you can read it here. Of course, I don’t recommend printing it out, you’ll go through three full reams plus two annoying extra sheets, and the Sierra Club is notified when any citizen purchases more than two reams of paper per year.].

Upon release of this bill, Nancy Pelosi “looked shocked,” according to unnamed sources close to the Speaker adding, “of course, she kinda always looks shocked, so I’m not sure it was the bill.” Barbara Boxer was seen throwing a fit and ranting about the Finance Committee just “showing off,” and that the bill would never be accepted because it was written by “a bunch of white people.” At least, those were the words we could print.

Charles Schumer, upon hearing about the released bill, ran over two congressional pages and one little old lady from Lincoln, NE to tell CNN how please he was with their “bi-partisan achievement.” John Kerry, asked to comment as well, mumbled something unintelligible before falling back to sleep. We looked for Olympia Snowe, who was believed to be hiding in the men’s room, but we were unable to confirm that report.

Our intrepid Washington reporters will bring you additional information, as it becomes available.

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