Gomer T. Cambell here, RedDot’s neighbor. He was showing me his blog, and I thought, “heck, well I can do that!” So he’s giving me a shot, much obliged. Now, I don’t reckon I have as much learning as he does, but I got me more sense than any of those Washington types, and we ain’t talking rocket science. I promised I’d keep it clean since ladies read this stuff too, and my mamma raised me never to cuss in front of a woman. I also promised I wouldn’t let my mouth overload my tail, so here goes.
We was drinking a beer and talking today about government spending all our money on useless stuff, when RedDot told me about some program to spend almost $3 million dollars to teach Chinese hookers to drink responsibly. You heard me right. I said, “Huh, you got to be kidding me, show me.” (well, what I really said I can’t put in here, but you get the idea). So he did. Here’s the link if you want to read about it. I about fell out the lawn chair! Yep, seems them Chinese hookers can’t hold their beer and then wind up getting AIDS ’cause they’re too drunk to tell their trick to slap a rubber on their willy. So now some high sounding National Institute of something or other has to help them out. Heck, I’m pretty sure that’s how most of our mommas got knocked up!
Why are we spending my hard earned money on the Chinese! Ain’t we got enough things to spend money on right here? All this stimulus money out there somewhere is supposed to be helping our country. We don’t spend money like this on our own hookers! If they can’t drink and ride safely that’s their own problem. If AIDS is spreading in China ’cause their men can’t keep it in their pants, that’s the Chinese Government’s problem. It’s not like their short on funds, you know what I mean? We’ve just been buying up all that garbage them damn commies keep making for years. Let them spend their own money. Keeping kids in Africa from getting Malaria, that I can get behind, so don’t make me out to be some heartless SOB, but this is dumber than a squirrel in the road.
The other end of this mule is this, why spend any money at all. All you need is to force their adult beverage industry to make commercials showing some hottie hooker wrapping up her customers and the problem will be solved directly. I mean, who wouldn’t watch that? It’s educational, and entertaining! All our beer commercials here keep telling us not to drink and drive, how hard can this be? If that don’t work, add a warning to the beer bottles and magazine ads and even put it on the billboards. Those liquor makers are in a commie country – so just make ’em put it on everything. Government here didn’t have to spend a dime to get cigarette makers to warn us all of the coming health apocalypse if we didn’t all quit immediately. ‘Course, don’t see that working to well neither, I still smoke like a chimney…so maybe that’s a bad example, but you get my point.
So you folks in Washington, quit spending money I could use for beer on stupid stuff, your just a sorry bunch of good for nothin SOB’s. Y’all just remember the sun don’t shine on the same dog’s tail all the time. Don’t make me come up there and straighten you out.