ATTENTION! THIS BLOG CONTAINS INAPPROPRIATE MATERIAL FOR LIBERALS!
(and maybe some uptight conservatives with no sense of humor…)
PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
Now that I have my warning label out of the way, I can continue.
No I’m not talking about the next stimulus Obama is wanting to pass… I’m talking about how Obama has GOT to be laughing behind America’s back by now.
I have collected, thanks to my WONDERFUL friends on twitter, a series of jokes and political cartoons and emails about Obama, Pelosi, Biden and the likes. Hope you enjoy.
(Note I did not make up any of these jokes or cartoons myself.)
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel ” pick
up your shovel , mount your asses and camels , and I will lead you to the
Nearly 75 years ago , Roosevelt said, ” Lay down your shovels , sit on
your asses , and light up a camel , this is the promised land”.
Now Obama is going to steal your shovel , kick your asses , Raise the
price of camels , and mortgage the promised land.
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.”
“We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, low life scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn’t know how to drive. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling –“Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!”
“And there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands when a truck hit us.”
Postage Stamp Problems
The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama but
the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional hearings,a special Presidential Commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order.
There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
People are just spitting on the wrong side.
The Dept Of Defense briefed the president this morning. They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.
To everyone’s surprise, all the color drained from Obama’s face. Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked, ‘Just how many is a brazilian?’
This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of a billion or trillion either.
When you are having a bad day and think you are having problems, just remember this:
Somewhere in this world there is a MR. PELOSI!
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, who’s hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our president.
The old rancher said, ‘Well, ya know, Obama is a ‘Post Turtle”.
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was.
The old rancher said, ‘When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘post turtle’.
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain. ‘You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, and he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with’.
New GM Car
In a special news conference yesterday, Government Motors announced it’s new concept car. The new GM proudly announces the 2010 Oldsmobile Obama.
This car runs on hot air and broken promises. It has three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns. It comes complete with two teleprompters, programmed to help the occupants talk their way out of any violations. The transparent canopy reveals the plastic smiles still on the faces of all the “happy” democrat owners.
Michelle Obama went to serve food to the homeless at a government funded soup kitchen.
Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter: $0.00
Having Michelle Obama serve your soup: $0.00
A homeless person receiving government funded meals while taking a picture of the first lady using his $500.00 Blackberry cell phone… $Priceless
Aaaaaaaaaaand last but not least…. I had to save this one for last… Seeing as my nickname is Black Widow and all, this made me laugh extra hard. Loved it.
Everyone needs to be aware and be very, very careful!
The Black Widow….
This spider, one of only a few poisonous spiders in the USA , can be found all over the states of Missouri , Arkansas , Kentucky , and Tennessee .
The spider releases a neurotoxin into the victim that, if not treated, can cause death!
The Black widow hooks-up with the male then sucks the very life out of him after mating!
She’s very easy to spot…
The female has a very wide backside, is Black, and has a red hour glass shaped marking on her belly….
You can find this spider in:
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