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Archive for the ‘Funny Stuff’ Category

The Old Country Boy’s Rules for Fighting a Skunk are as follows:

#1: Pick a young skunk

#2: Make sure he is downwind

#3: Get a 12-gauge double-barreled shotgun loaded with double ought shells.

#4: Better still, get a 30:06 with a scope. You can stand further away from the skunk.

#5: On second thought, don’t pick a fight with a skunk. There’s a good chance something will go wrong and you’ll lose and end up with a pocket full of stink.

The above rules apply equally well for dealing with most liberal politicians and Barack Obama.

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THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

Two Different Versions! …………….. Two Different Morals!

OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,

building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

And now for the MODERN version…

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green.’

Acorn stages a demonstration in front of the ant ‘s house where the news stations film the group singing, ‘We shall overcome.’

Rev. Jeremiah Wright then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back ofthe grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ants food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2012.

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No Caption Necessary…

ups

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Ahhh, Chicago.  Finally I have a reason to love and laud the heartland of governmental grist and corruption (well, its citizens at any rate).  Well done and well said Chi-town!

9d70a0129d700429d6ff419d702349d704269d703359d70ee17

 

Strange we never saw these images on the Main Stream Media. Where are you All Barack Channel?  Central Barack Station?  Too busy covering  Jacko’s drama to pay attention to America?  Ummm, duh!

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Well I finally found the reason our county and the world as a whole is in such a mess:

A major research institution has recently announced the
discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The
new element has been tentatively named Governmentium.
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons. These morons
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it
can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a
second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to
speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
Critical Morass.

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CONGRESS CONSIDERING NEW LAW

“AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT”

WASHINGTON, DC – Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing.”

The Senator pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement “warehouse” stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million “middle man” positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as “Do you have any goals for the future?” or “Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?”

 “As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. “This new law should really help people like me.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented, unmotivated citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said President Obama, “It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation.”

Will, it could happen and I wouldn’t be at all surprised…..

(orig author unknown)

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These were sent to me via email and I do not know who the artist is but they truly are hysterical and bone-chilling in their accuracy!  Enjoy…

Gone With the Wind

The Wizard of Oz

 

Birth Certificate

 

godfather

wonderfullife

Kudos to BIGFURHAT for these images.  Keep ’em coming!

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